‘Tis the Season: Prioritizing Mental Health During the Holidays

As Thanksgiving leads into the December celebrations of Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Bodhi Day, and New Year’s Eve, this season can be a trying time for some of us, even those who do not ascribe to any faith tradition.

Consider the following questions:

Does the approach of the holiday season ever fill you with a sense of dread?
Do you often wish that the calendar would jump from October to January?
Are you missing someone this year?
Are you anxious about encountering certain family members at a holiday gathering?

You are not alone if you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions.

The holiday season isn’t just about decorations and festivities for many people. For those who have lost loved ones or have complicated relationships with family members, the holiday season can be tricky to navigate at best and, at worst, a trigger for increased feelings of isolation, anxiety, and depression. Memories can be painful, and obligations overwhelming. The season of joy can turn quickly into a season of stress.

Our culture of ‘jolliness’ doesn’t help, either. Commercials promising warm family reunions fail to acknowledge that even the happiest families eventually encounter loss or strain. Turning on the television or walking through the mall or down the street can assault the senses- loud holiday music on loop, pumpkin-spiced everything, one-sided messages of peace and love, and season’s greetings. Enough, already.

Below are some suggestions for managing the holiday season, whether you are grieving, in complex family relationships, lonely, or simply at your wit’s end with forced holiday cheer.

Take time to visit your favorite places, do your favorite things, and share your favorite company to bring forth positive feelings with minimal effort. Whether it’s a walk outdoors, a group fitness class, trivia night with colleagues, live music, or a solo dance party (a wise person once noted, “You can’t not dance to [Stevie Wonder, Taylor Swift, BTS, Shakira… take your pick]), schedule moments of pleasure for yourself throughout the season.

Remember that “self-care” is not selfish. Consider what you need for the season, not simply what others expect of you. Say ‘no’ to a holiday party that will do nothing but drain you. When confronted with multiple family obligations, acknowledge that you don’t know if you’ll attend or how long you’ll stay. Setting expectations ahead of time can relieve you of commitments that increase isolation and sadness. And always permit yourself to change your mind.

Try not to pretend. While you may be good at ‘putting on a happy face,’ there is an emotional cost to your performance. Instead, try to say one true thing. If you feel like your world is falling apart, instead of saying, “I’m great!” or “Everything is terrible!” try saying, “I’m doing the best I can right now,” or “I’m hanging in there.”

If you are mourning the loss of a loved one, to death or estrangement- Ask for what you need from people you trust. Be specific. If someone offers assistance, take them up on it— to take your kids for an afternoon so you can rest, meet you for coffee at a favorite cafe, or be a buffer between you and a well-meaning but exhausting relative.

If you are caring for someone mourning a loss- Avoid platitudes. Your job isn’t to fix them or to give them advice. Your role is to say, “I’m sorry you are hurting; I’m here for you.” Make your offers to help specific. Instead of saying, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” try, “I’d like to bring dinner on Tuesday night. Would that be OK?” Open-ended offers unintentionally place the burden on the griever.

If you are spiritual, take the time to access rituals and experiences that tap into a more profound sense of the season, whatever that may be. Religious holidays have, in some ways, been taken hostage by our consumer culture. Still, it is easy to dip below the surface to access the mystery, hope, and meaning of religious traditions.

May you have a gentle and fulfilling holiday season.

If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, trained crisis counselors are available 24/7 by dialing 988.

For more information about the Psychotherapy & Spirituality Institute or to request a free consultation with a therapist, use the CONNECT WITH US button at the top of this page or contact info@psinyc.org.